In Which I Make a Couple of Very Serious Announcements for the Edification of All

I

I know well, my gentle snowflakes, that it was only a short while ago that I boldly declared Sister Macrina’s A Vow of Conversation to be the finest theological blog I have read, but it seems that this may have been too hasty a judgement. Yes, I have come across a new blog whose sublime constructive theological discourse is simply unparalleled in the whole History of Theology. Of course, I am talking about ΨΕΥΔΟΘΕΟΛΟΓΙΑ, a space dedicated to “especially special speculative theology.” The genius behind this project, which may be described as the quintessential theoblog, is none other than the great Jürgen Hauerwas of Tübingen, North Carolina. The blog was only launched this past Saturday, but already JH (for I’m certain that he, like SK and JHY, is often referenced only by his initials) has provided us with rich intellectual fare: he has discussed the vocation of bloggers as theotokoi, the trinitarian perichoretical dance (which I myself briefly discussed here), and the New Covenant Exit-from-dust. Needless to say, I await JH’s next post with bated breath! As I said in my comment to the inaugural post, his blog is: “Wonderful. Moving. Edifying. Theopneustosed.”

II

Nearly a month ago, Zondervan’s Koinonia blog featured a link to one of the more distressing things I have witnessed in my time: a video in which college-aged young people praise Wayne Grudem in dance and song. (I refuse to defile this blog by posting here such a depraved spectacle, so you will have to go to the above link for the video and a transcript of the lyrics.) Worse still is that the report of this ignominy went virtually unnoticed in the blogosphere. I imagine that it is precisely this kind of insensitivity to iniquity that will allow the eschatological Antichrist to have a free rein once his time is come. In response to these horrifying developments, I have decided to start a Facebook group for Anti-Grudemites International, a heretofore semi-secret organization that I felt compelled to establish c. 1996 upon encountering Grudem’s work. Note that while membership previously required a blood-oath, now it only requires a Facebook account. (Over the years, a number of people have commented that they would feel more inclined to join a group rather less passionate about the cause it champions, such as the PLO or the IRA; hopefully this change will help broaden our membership base.) If, in common with AGI, you “strenuously oppose the twin errors of Grudemite ‘theology’ and ‘translation theory’ as well as the pernicious Grudem personality cult regrettably prevalent in some quarters,” and if you’re likewise revolted in your innermost being by the baleful effects of Grudemism evidenced above, I encourage you to join AGI today.

19 responses to “In Which I Make a Couple of Very Serious Announcements for the Edification of All

  1. “Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dignity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego.” (Terry Lindvall after C.S.Lewis)

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  2. In the words of Ignatius Reilly, those ‘children…should all be gassed’. I don’t know much about this Grudem character, but I’m ready to believe he’s a heresiarch of a very tall order. Perhaps you should do a post exposing his errors.

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  3. Dave> Aha, a leader of the perpetrators! Quite frankly, I can't understand why you aren't burdened by mortal pangs of conscience, sir. Tell me: were you in cahoots with Zondervan for the execution of this wicked deed? Because, really, NO ONE has eight copies of that appalling piece of dreck (i.e., Grudem’s Systematic Theology) just laying around! ;-)

    Aaron> My dear and noble friend, what you are ready to believe in your wise discernment is simply the unadulterated truth. I only fear that, while thus speaking truly, you fail to grasp the enormity of this heresiarch's transgressions. I would rather not discuss the particulars of Grudemism here to prevent exposing to it the pure souls not yet jaded by its pernicious errors.

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  4. Not only was “Greased Lightning” the worst song in that whole movie, but this particularly idolatrous version is worse than that!!!

    And I got JHY (John Howard Yoder), you’ve obviously given us JH (Jürgen Hauerwas), but who is this SK? Forgive my ignorance kind sir…

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  5. Um, close, but I’m afraid it refers to Søren Kierkegaard. ;-)

    And you can’t possibly believe that Greased Lightinin’ was worse than Hopelessly Devoted to You!

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  6. (and nothing to do with Zondervan, this happened in the UK in January… just a bit of harmless fun by people who take God very seriously and don’t take themselves remotely seriously)

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  7. Oh no! I just saw Grudem's 'Systematic Theology' in Barnes & Noble–faced out! If it's managed to penetrate B&N, this fellow must be quite pernicious indeed!

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  8. people who take God very seriously

    Sorry but I saw the opening to that video. The performers take God seriously?

    This could actually tempt me into Facebook. The Systematic Theology is in google books and its peculiarities are available to all.

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  9. Dave> Why, your denial only serves to confirm my deepest suspicions! Alack, alack, alack! But wait, perhaps there is still hope for you and these young people. Maybe, just maybe, in your next karaoke night a group of interns could undertake a similar effort to praise the infallible Moisés Silva in dance and song! Only this, I'm afraid, could redress the unspeakable transgression captured in that infelicitous video. ;-)

    Aaron> Faced out?! The horror! On the basis of such evidence, it is clear to me now that the Grudemite conspiracy is much larger than I had previously thought.

    Suzanne> Aww, shucks… it was just a little karaoke. ;-)

    I am of the opinion, however, that you should create a Facebook account and join the AGI group forthwith. I copy below the group description for your edification:

    “Anti-Grudemites International is a militant organization that traces its origins back to 1996, when the Founding President first encountered the works of Dr Wayne A. Grudem, then Professor of Biblical and Theological Studies at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL. His dislike for Grudem’s method and views was so thorough that he vowed then to spare no effort in condemning them at every available opportunity–a promise which he has scrupulously honored over the years.

    “We strenuously oppose the twin errors of Grudemite “theology” and “translation theory,” as well as the pernicious Grudem personality cult regrettably prevalent in some quarters. In particular, we denounce the Trinitarian heresy of subordinationism, Anglo-centric linguistic naïveté, and the pathological adherence to either one (or both) of these. We are also profoundly appalled by all Grudemite attempts at philological scholarship, but since they are so abjectly pathetic, we find that they move us to pity rather than ire.

    “Unfortunately, because of its militant character, our organization has failed to win the allegiance of many who would otherwise support our goals. Over the years, a number of people have commented that they would feel more inclined to join a group rather less passionate about the cause it champions, such as the PLO or the IRA. This, however, has emphatically failed to extinguish our resolve. After much consideration, we have at long last decided to bring our cause online in the hope of reaching any like-minded individuals with whom we have failed to connect over the years and in order to create a unified front against the transgressions enumerated above.”

    So, what do you say? We need you! (And by “we” I mean me and two other people who have joined.)

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  10. I did join Facebook last night just so I could read this statement. I am considering joining. What are your fees?

    The real problem is that I am having trouble rousing the suitable sense of pity that is supposedly necessary for membership.

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  11. Estaban I feel compelled to sue for the link due to the mental cruelty that ensued on seeing this video it makes John Travolta look look Caruso. I will defer suing if you provide a book from Nick Norelli`s wish list. I feel Nick ought to see the video for him to agree. British irony intended!!!

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  12. Suzanne> But surely his ridiculous pseudo-philology commands some pity! And there are no fees whatever involved. :-)

    Aaron> I knew that you verily were my true brother.

    Andrew> I will not do as you say, but rather demand that YOU provide a book from MY wish list unless you want a crushing counter-suit filed against you! I expect your apology (i.e., book) any day now. (And British irony duly noted! ;-)

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