Total Depravity: The Hidden Life of Jim West

It is well known that our friend Jim West is something of a fixture at professional academic meetings the world over. Whether at SOTS in the winter, CBA in the summer, or SBL in the fall, attendees old and new can often catch glimpses of Jim having his picture taken with every scholar, rock, and tree within a 15 mile radius, as well as snapping thousands of other pictures for the edification of those who, bound by the grievous constraints of work and family, are regrettably unable to attend such gatherings. Perhaps not as well known is the fact that, in spite of his incessant jeremiads against gluttony, deviancy, and intemperance, Jim is no stranger to the hidden allure of these vices, in which he indulges with reckless abandon during the months between his preferred academic meetings.

Until recently, Jim’s forays into unfettered depravity have gone largely unnoticed on account of his herculean efforts over the years to hide every last bit of evidence. It appears, however, that the histrionic proclivities for which he is justly (in)famous have at long last been his undoing. The advent of YouTube ultimately proved to be an irresistible temptation, and Jim evidently felt compelled to record covers of various songs for the sake of crass exhibitionism. So it was that the world first caught a glimpse of the obese, drunk, and cross-dressing Jim West that emerges between academic gatherings. Eventually Jim ventured to record a piece of his own composition, to wit, a delirious ode to a mixed alcoholic drink that he stumbled upon quite by accident. The video is below, and while I warn my sensible readership that the visuals are crude in the extreme, I feel it necessary to display the footage here as a cautionary tale to the biblioblogging community at large.

I note that, among other things, this video explains why no known picture of Jim West features him smiling broadly. Also, while a dog may be seen roaming in the background, I believe this alternative scenario more accurately represents Jim’s real preferences.

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, more than 2.5 million people have now watched what Jim surely intended to be a nearly anonymous outlet for his depravity. While this has led him to delete all of his videos, we must remain grateful to The Gregory Brothers, who produced the above auto-tuned remix (shawtayee!). These heroes have at once exposed Jim’s darkest secret and preserved the evidence for posterity. For this, good sirs (and madam), we thank you.

BW3 and Spouse Co-Author an Historical Novel about Jim West

Mike Bird has the news:

The Lazarus Effect (with Ann Witherington)

Archaeologist . . . West makes the discovery of a lifetime in Jerusalem finding the tombstone of Lazarus, which indicates that Jesus raised him from the dead. But before he can make public his amazing discovery, the stone is stolen, sold to the British Library, and West is implicated in an antiquities fraud that will lead to a trial. West’s Jewish and Muslim friends in Jerusalem rally to support West’s innocence and to help find the thief who stole the stone, but then West is shot and in critical condition in a Jerusalem hospital. Can the truth be discovered in time, and West’s life be saved? And what was on that Aramaic scroll that was found in Lazarus’s coffin? In this fast-paced thriller, Ben Witherington, himself a NT scholar with a degree in English literature, together with his wife, Ann, introduces us to the life of an archaeologist and NT scholar and his trials and tribulations when a big find comes to light. Set in the always volatile city of Jerusalem, the Witheringtons reveal the fascinating hidden dimensions of multi-religious life in that Holy Place, and show how even today Christians, Jews, and Muslims can work together so the truth may come to light, and all may experience “the Lazarus Effect”—new life from the dead.

Amazing! The novel is forthcoming from Wipf & Stock. The events described above surely explain why Jim is such a rabid minimalist. Who, after dedicating themselves to the pursuit of biblical archaeology, making such an enormously significant discovery, and being so brutally double-crossed, would want to remain linked to maximalism in any way whatsoever? Please do yourself a favor and pick up this volume as soon as it becomes available—it behooves us all to become conversant with the life and times of the Boss Tweed of Biblioblogdom.

Highlights from the Blogroll… and Beyond

Nick Norelli is hosting on his blog the 2008 Trinity Blogging Summit, which features a number of excellent essays on this most important subject. (I’m delighted, of course, that it didn’t just become an outlet for pernicious perichoreting, in the end.) Both Mike Aubrey and myself had hoped to contribute to the 2008 TBS, but we didn’t complete our respective essays in time for the February 29 deadline, alas.

As many others have noted, the Biblical Studies Carnival XXVII is now available at Kevin Wilson’s blog, Blue Cord. I should like to note that, while I am pleased that his stop at the hermeneutics booth resulted in a link to one of my posts on Apostolic exegesis, I am also greatly distraught that in his very next stop at the tent of the guild of Biblical scholars, he picked up a post by one Alan Lenzi issuing a call for membership standards at SBL—why, if they institute standards of any sort, they’ll never let me in!

The divine Fleming Rutledge, one of the finest preachers of our generation, has posted a masterful indictment of P. C. readings of the Classics. It is apparently P.C. to express that one feels compassion for the likes of Emily Brontë and Jane Austen on account of “lamentable restrictions in 19th century women’s lives,” but the divine Fleming cannot agree: “[S]hould Emily Brontë on her dismal moor be the object of our compassion, or our dumbstruck awe?” In the end, she suggests, by feeling sorry for these giants we only perpetuate deep down sexist approaches to their lives and works.

The amazing John Hobbins has posted quite the thought-provoking post on the question of just how well did St Jerome know Hebrew. Since I have conclusively proved earlier in this blog that St Jerome rocks, no further arguments to this effect are necessary; but let me tell you, reading John’s excellent piece can’t hurt!

Jim West (tagged by Chris Brady) has decided to respond to yet another vile and foul meme, this time elucidating for us all why exactly it is he blogs. I find answers a & 2 to be quite clear and satisfactory, but answer 3 seems, well, a bit vague. “I want to,” says he. Well yes, Jim, but why do you want to? Here we are inexplicably met with silence. Thankfully, and in spite of Jim’s seeming reluctance to flesh out his rather laconic response, I have been able to find a most enlightening illustration that fully explains the real reason behind Jim’s drive to blog:

(And speaking of Jim West and Chris Brady, I learned yesterday that the latter had interviewed the former in April 2007 as the first in Targuman‘s “Bibliopodcast” series. It was a fascinating interview; I feel like I need to listen to it again and take notes! I know not, however, why the “Bibliopodcasts” have gone awry so soon; for his third (!) installment, Brady has chosen to interview the Rev Mr Tilling, a well-known Wrightianist and textbook example of why some sensible people just can’t believe there is a just and loving God. At least it was not a wholly wasted 27:30 minutes: I certainly did learn, for instance, that I cannot leave any of my original research around the prying eyes of Gordon Fee!)

And last but not least, those who enjoy the use of folk and contemporary music styles in the cultic gatherings of their faith communities will undoubtedly also greet with much delight this catchy praise song, addressed to one called “powerful sovereign lord.”

What Facebook Thinks of Jim West

A little while ago I joined Jim West’s Huldrych Zwingli Facebook Groupand added Jim as a friend immediately afterwards. I didn’t know, however, that Facebook’s security check to prevent automated friend requests would be customized to each individual user! Click on the screenshot below to learn what terms I was required to enter in order to add Jim West as a friend:

No, folks, I’m not making this up!

Why Jim West Is On Facebook

Since Jim West has kindly directed some traffic my way by naming this as an up-and-coming blog worth reading, I thought it appropriate to share in my humble blogging abode a video which, to my mind, definitively explains the real reason behind his decision to keep a Facebook account. Quite frankly, I would not be surprised in the least if the same explanation applied to the rest of these bibliobloggers on Facebook!

Very enlightening, isn’t it? [H/T to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s Big Blog.]

UPDATE: It has come to my attention that certain malicious individuals, undoubtedly mirroring their own perversity on my wholly pure and blameless intentions, have disfigured the plain meaning of this post beyond recognition. As any person with the least whit of common sense can readily infer from the foregoing, I meant that the Rev’d Dr West, a noble Baptist preacher conscious of his evangelical duty to “rescue the perishing,” has set out to reach a youth most wayward that makes Facebook the epicenter of their moral meandering, as illustrated by the video above. Shame on all those who have misconstrued my post!